Week Two Day 5: It's Only Hard at the Beginning

Hey minna!

Honesty I don't know what to write today, it was like every other day I made one new exercise, the director of the gym is always giving me new exercises and correcting the ones I already have, I mean one day he says to me to do things one way and then he says it's wrong and makes me do the other way, it's kind of irritating!

Another thing I would like to share it's a thing I've been observing since day one, and I'm probably stupid for not noticing it before, but when I get up in the morning it's a real struggle I don't feel like doing anything, I don't wanna go there. In a way or another I finally leave the house and begin a five minute walk to the gym, there my blood instantly starts pumping loudly, and after a shower in my house I feel great, liek I'm cleansed, and that is the best feeling ever! 

Feeling refreshed, like new, knowing I actually did something, even if I did not do enough, comparing to that feeling I had in the morning it's great, because I GOT UP and I WENT to the gym, and that's the first step, a step which you have to take EVERY morning which is not easy, not at all.

So congrats to me and every person out there who got up this morning and went to work/gym/school, it's not always easy and WE'RE FUCKING AWESOME because wqe did it!

Kisses,
Nana

Week Two Day 4: Lies, Lies, Lies

Hey minna,

Today's practice went on pretty normal, I tried once again to raise the game, and the times and number of exercises I make, I really hope this pays off!

But that's not what I've come here to talk about, I've come here to talk about something that've been really bugging me: lies. 
People lie to each other on a daily basis, the so called "White Lies" and then there are more serious lies or "Black Lies", the ones I want to talk about despite fitting in the white lie scenario because I know that the ones who tell them have good intentions, t me they are a more serious matter , thus, a black lie. 

What the hell are you talking about? you ask.
Well I'm talking about the typicall lie everyone tells you when you say you're in the gym "Oh you really seem thinner!"; "I knew you had lost some weight, you look elegant!" This is what I've been hearing A LOT these past few days, the answer I wanna give: "Bitch please, I've just been there a week, I'm not different -.-"

Okay I know they are just trying to be nice, and encourage me to go on and stuff, but the effect it's the exact opposite! By hearing this I just start to feel like "Am I so fat you need to make excuses? Do you think this is a joke or something?" If they said that some weeks after me being at the gym I would actually feel flattered even if I didn't think so, but it's only been one week, I'm the same and I know that, I don't want anyone to just lie to me to make me feel better, because I won't...

Well see you tomorrow,

Nana

Week Two Day 3: Maybes

Hey minna!

So sorry, yesterday I was just so tired i couldn't bring myself to write, so today I'll write both posts and perhaps one more to make up to it!

So, yesterday was a difficult day, temptations came back big time. I was alone again in the gym, and things actually started pretty well but by the end of it I faced a new machine, the elliptical standing bike, I've already had tried it out on the day before, but this time was much worse, I'd forgotten my mp3 so I didn't had any music, except the plain gym music. Thoughts started running through my mind. 

"Maybe today I'll just do 10 minutes, since I'm still getting used to this; Maybe it's okay to stop a little now, just to rest; Maybe it's enough for today; Maybe, maybe, maybe..." 

NO! I said to myself, And I kept going on until my 12 minutes were up (despite at the beginning I had decided to do 15, just 3 minutes more than my program) but still I felt really bad, I stopped many times to drink water unnecessarily or just catch my breath, and despite being tired I didn't feel accomplished at all, these thoughts are being more and more common and I'm afraid someday I'll just give up to them, because it just takes skipping one exercise or one set to ruin everything, all to it all come crashing down.

I won't end this post saying that tomorrow I'll try harder, I don't want to make empty promisses anymore, so just see ya tomorrow...

Nana

Week Two Day 2: No, Not Really

Hi minna!

I'm writing my diary post a little later than usual, I was just so tired I couldn't bring myself to write it earlier.

Today me and my friend Jo tried to mix things a little and we raised the difficulty on our programs! I started a new machine todat, and it's really difficult, so that's why I'm exausted, really, since I've been there I've never felt this tired in a machine! Maybe I was doing things wrong, but feom now on I'll give my full at everything even if I can't move the next day!

On other news today for the first time I could do a set of the most difficult exercise to me in a row! I was really amazed, most of the times I needed to rest like 3 times during each set, but I did all of it in a row, and the next one I only rested once! Even if I don't see any physical changes, these changes are very motivational, and they keep me going!

Well all for today, I'm going to rest for tomorrow, sweet dreams!

Nana

Idols

Hey minna,
I brought to you today a post about two of my Idols. They're people I admire a lot, phisically and the personality of the characters they play.
They're Ruta Gedmintas and Katherine Moennig, who play Frankie Alan and Shane McCutcheon in the TV Shows Lip Service and The L Word respectively. 
I've always hated my body for a big number of reasons, my height, my weight, my hair, my flat chest, the colour of my eyes, you name it, but then I "met" them, they're characters in the shows were relaxed, seductive and sexy, despite they're being thin they didn't have the most attractive body, in girl settings I mean, their boyish style fitted then and that's what I would like to accomplish for myself.

So here are some photos of them, I really wish one day I could have an amazing body like them and more, an amazing attitude and confidence like they're characters

Ruta Gegmintas (Frankie Alan - Lip Service):

Katherine Moennig (Shane McCutcheon - The L Word)

That's all for today, see ya tomorrow!
Nana

Week Two Day 1: Growing a Costume?

Hey minna!

So I just started the second week of my weitght loss journey! Yeah, not a great accomplishment, but it's always a refreshing thought! 

Today went better than I expected, I did all the exercises as usual, and noticed that my body is starting to grow a costume to them, some of them are still pretty hard and I simply can't give 100% in them, YET, but with time and effort I will get there!

Another thing my body is growing a costume to is waking up early, thefirst week was a real pain, but now I even wake up before the alarm clock! I think that improves my mood, nort waking up with an annoying alarm, and I can take my time doing things with a smile on my face, which gives em more will power and energy!

So this is an excessively positive post, I hope the next ones stay that way!

Nana

Week 1: Measurement

Hello minna! 

Today it's Sunday, and as I promissed I'll present this week's measures and I'll post some photos of myself to one day see the progress I've made.

(Sorry this was taken right after Thursday's practice so the quality isn't te best)

Arms - 36,3cm

Chest - 96,5cm

Waist - 94,5cm

Hips - 104cm


Thighs - 62cm

Well more tomorrow!

Nana

Week One Day 5: Weekend Here I Go!

Hey minna!

Finally I reached Friday, there were ups and downs but I did it all. Still I feel that I could've done more, that I could've worked harder, and despite my body ache I really don't feel much proud, I just feel that Monday is another week and that I WILL do more and work harder for my goal!

As I mentioned this weekend I won't exercise I'll just do a weekly post with my measurements and some photos of myself, my weight I'll measure it bi-weekly see if that goes works out...

Well I may do a post later but that's all for now,
Nana

Week One Day 4: Dependence

Hey minna,

Sorry yesterday I didn't write the sum up of my training so I'm writting the 3rd day today, as well as the 4th.

As you know from my previous post yesterday wasn't a good day for me, emotionally nor physically. I only went to the gym in the late afternoon almost having a panick attack on the way, and the exercises seemed tougher than usual, maybe because I was alone and feeling really down, I don't know, sometimes our state of mind can affect us phisically so I guess that was what happened. 

By the time I went home to take a shower surprisingly I was feeling okay, refreshed, ready to face the world, but once again the reality bitch slapped me and I felt like staying at home the next morning and the weekend and only going again on Monday, on other words, give up. Fortunatly my friend, Jo, net slapped me again into a relativly good place and I couldn't be more gratefull!

Well I'm keeping this one short bye!

Nana

Emotional Pressure?

Hey minna,

Today I'm not so okay, I've though a lot about sharing this since it's not totally related to the losing pain journey, but hey, everyday it's part of this journey, every moment of it, so why the hell not?

I overslept this morning and missed my training, well I don't have a schedule so I can still go on the afternoon and I'm going, but breaking my routine just made this whole day worse, so yeah this is going to be a "crappy day" post! I woke up like an half hour late, and just couldn't bring myself to get up the bed, I just felt SO numb, like I didn't care for anything anymore, and I spent all morning looking to the emptyness trying to figure out what to do.
I made a lot of plans, going out with my friends, going to the gym when I get back and stuff, but nothing felt right! I noticed that I was getting to attached to this routine, despite this being the 4th day of my journey I always do that, I OBCESS over common stuff and I end up quitting, hurting myself or others!

So today I decided to take the day to myself! Just staying at home, not talking to anyone, just me and my TV shows and animes (I know it's not healthy but better than the alternative believe me) later I'll go to the gym, workout a few kilograms off and get home to a perfect shower and dinner, then yes I'll be able to shake off this numbness, then I'll be able to believe in my smile and everything will be okay!

Hope this works out, root for me please,
Nana

My Goal

Hey minna!

I started this blog three days ago wow so long ago!, and I meantioned my weight troubles, but I never talked about my goals!

Well my primary goal is to loose 15Kg, I know it's not much, I know that for my height it may be a little too much but I wanna feel good with myself, so this is more of a guide weight.
I always have been uncoordinated, lazy, and weak I want to work on that, I want to feel good in my own skin, I want to feel beautiful, pretty, slim, hell even light! That's what I'm working on, because all that crap of "the beauty comes from the inside" only works to a certain point, if you hate what you see in the mirror you can't feel beautiful, on the inside nor in the outside!

Many think I just want to please others, that I just want to fit in, well I don't want to fit in anything besides my favorite clothes! I am who I am, but I will not settle for a crappy version of me, I'll try hard, I'll work hard, use all the potencial I have to FEEL PRETTY!

'Till next time,

Nana

Week One Day 3: Scale Temptations

Hey minna!

As I predicted today was harder than yesterday and a lot harder than the first day, my body is accumulating all the sourness and stiffness from the previous days and it's hard to do some exercises. Still I did it all and I'm really happy for that in a way I'm getting used to it but waking up at 9am is a pain in the ass!, I hope in a few days I get used to it, and that the upcoming weekend won't ruin my rythm...
I don't doubt that the exercises are working, but I have to really try not to go up to the bathroom scale to see if I lost any weight, I'm still at the beginning and going now will be a disappointment and a demotivator, so I'm trying really hard to controle myself in this area.

Another thing that made today difficult was the fact that me and my friend, Jo, got into different exercise programs, so we're not as together as before, okay we still see each other all the time, and give words of courage to ne another, but sometimes my mind starts to get out of controle and trying to make me quit at the minimal obstacle. I really hope I make it, or better, I AM going to make it, I have to, for myself.

See ya next time,
Nana.

Week One Day 2: Warm up

Hi minna!

Well today was my second day at the gym, was a lot harder than the first, I was still a little sour from the day before so I started a little more tired than usual. Still, I did everything (the last exercise was a bitch though) and I'm proud of that, and it's good, it's good to be proud of this little things, I am and you should too. Even if it's something small it's an accomplishment, it's another step towards your goal and that's really important!

Besides working out every day at the gym I am trying to eat healthy, no, I am not following any special diet, let's face it, unless you have your own money in Portugal you can't do much... I am just cutting on the sweet things, unless a little bit of chocolat before the gym to give me energy, and trying to eat small portions of each thing. The same yaddah yaddah of always basicly!

Well going a little to the emotional part (feel free to skip this) despite being proud of what I did today I still hear that little voice in the back of my head asking if I can really do it, if I can go there every day and give it all. I am very lucky that I go with my dear friend who always supported me and whe she sees I am a little demotivated she says things like: "Common' you can do it!" and it really helps! I think every one who is starting to work out should have someone/something like this, have support basicly.
Attention I'm not saying to be dependent on someone, you have your struggle, your goals, and your battles to fight alone, but in the end of the day it's good to know you have someone there who understands and helps you when you want to quit and lock yourself in the room and never come out.
I'm really glad I have her (and all my friends and family) by my side and I'm proud of what we are accomplishing there every day!

Soo this was a positive post, I assure you there will be some depressing one's hereinafter but it's all part of my journey!

Nana

My Motivation

Hi again!

After a lot of thought I decided to create this post (in fact several, but this is the first) to talk about motivation. As you may know, I decided to go to the gym because at home I had absolutly NO motivation, and a lot of tempting things like the TV and the pc... but despite being at the gym I fear that I may get demotivated if I don't start to see imediate results, and it's a constant struggle to be positive and believe in myself.

I rounded up some motivational images to raise my spirits, so I will post a few now and then, so that I won't forget them, neither will you.

This one got me through my first day xD I kept telling to myself this to keep my focus on the real prize and amazingly it worked!

Well that's all kisses,

Nana

Week One, Day 1: The Beginning

Hi! My name is Nana and today was my first day at the gym!
Before I tell you about that i'm going to tell you a little about myself, and my reason to go to the gym...

My real name is Mariana, I'm 16 years old and I live in Setúbal, Portugal. The truth is I hate myself, looking at that strange person in the mirror, I want to rip off my skin to see my true self. 
After many failed attempts of making me feel prettier I decided to put a stop on the judgemental eyes of old women who think I am a pregnant teenager and started working out! 

Currently I am 1,82m and I weight 85Kg which is still overweight, and working out at home wasn't working (because I'm sooo lazy!) so I saved up some money and entered this gym near my house! I went there today, in the late afternoon walking in a quick pace, literally trembling with excitement and nervousness, thinking in more that a thousand what if's, imagining the worst scenarious, millions of conversations that might go wrong, and as I climbed up the stairs I barely could stand up.
Nevertheless the instructor was super nice, he gave me a lot of information, asked me a lot of questions, and better, made me feel comfortable, like I was in a familiar place!

We started with a simple warm up, 15 minutes in the standing bike, then a musculation device for my arms, I did 2 series of 15 in the 5Kg mark. After that came the paddling (?) exercice, for my legs, again 2 series of 15 each, and the treadwalk which was very confusing for me who was not used to it at all, and when I walked out of it I was reallyyyy dizzy! I did more musculation devices for my legs, again all 2 series of 15 and finished with some gymnastics to calm the muscles!

Thank you for putting up with me, I am really looking foward to tomorrow!
Nana