One year and a half later...

Hey...

So here I am, one year and a half later, as the lot of you who still read this blog after so many ups and downs I quit.

What happened?

I still went to the gym, but I ended up quitting, because of the mney and honestly? Because all my motivation was gone, I saw it more as an obligation than a means to an end, it wasn't worth it to me, and I spiralled down when I saw absolutely no results.

I still tried in the summers, to work out from home, but to no avail, I quit time and time again which made me feel hopeless.

The gym I was in closed down some months later too, leaving me with fewer options close to home.

But then again not all is bad news.

Two weeks ago I joined a gym near my school, it's a very small one and  it's excluse to women. That gym is what led me to come back, what led me to write this message.

I pondered on reopening the blog when I first joined, but that idea didn't sit right within me, because despite this blog being what kept me going for so long, it also made me hate being in the gym.

I felt guilt when I dodn't go, and thus couldn't write about it, and in the end turned the whole thing into an obligation and I started to loathe stepping in the gym. Of course this wasn't the sole reason, but it was certainly there to help.

Let me tell you about this new gym, the reason for this whole post.

For the first time I bonded, I feel like I found a family in which I belong to, I look forward to go there every day and work out, no obligation, no guilt, just pure and honest happiness.

I'm not going to lie, it's hard sometimes, but what isn't?

I thought these were the only reasons for me liking this, but there is so much more! Today I tried a private class of TRX and within 10 minutes I almost passed out. My instructor told me it ws normal, and everyone thad their rhythm, as I was used to... I felt horrible, like I was weak and powerless, and I couldn't do as well as other people, I felt inferior, which happens regularly on group classes, I'm so used to I think of that as "normal", and I don't try to push further on my limits, because I settle. But this time she sat beside and asked me a lot of questions, simple questions like my food habits and if I had any health conditions, she CARED, she told me what I had to do to be able to improve myself, and she said all this in a really sweet and motherly tone that almost brought me to tears.

I'm not going to say that nobody ever cared about me, that would be an excuse and an offense to everyone around me, but in that moment I really felt like I WAS like everyone else, that I too could improve myself. It wasn't only her, all the instructors there are super nice and treat us like friends, and the other people at the gym love helping too, we are all a big family, nobody sees us as flawed there, nobody gives you a side look of judgement as you pass by, and to me that is the greatest gym in the world, even if some resources are lacking, that couldn't matter the slighest.

So yes that is my story!

I won't make empty promisses like "i'm going to post again everyday" or something like that, honestly? I haven't figred it out yet, if that is what I want, one thing I'm sure, I'm doing things differently this time, I'm not going to let a blog turn something I truly love into an obligation, never again.

So until we see each other again, if ever, see ya!

Nana